353. Alternative PRESS RELEASE: Everyone Loves a Scandal

Here’s the excerpt and press release for Everyone Loves A Scandal:

Excerpt of Justin Murphy’s
Everyone Loves a Scandal

Reverend Peter Jacobs, a middle-aged, well-dressed man in his fifties, stood behind his pulpit at The First Church of Dothan. His congregation, full of white Christian conservatives looked bloated or had fallen asleep as he listened to the peaceful hymns of the church choir.

He stood with his right hand on the Holy Bible while his left hand contained copies of the latest issue of the filthy Culture Magazine.

He waited for the choir to finish their hymn, and then began his sermon. “My children, what’s in my left-hand today are copies of the latest issue of Culture Magazine.

“It’s a dirty magazine published by a newcomer to our community named Charlie Sanders.”

The congregation was wide-eyed, apparently appalled at what they saw before them. The beacon of sin known as Culture Magazine, would strike fear into every parent, teacher, and authority figure in the small town of Dothan, Alabama. It was as obscene and as profane as any comedy sketch by George Carlin or Richard Pryor.

“What kind of culture is this smut peddler teaching our young people?” He flipped through the magazine, through various nude pinups of women before pulling out a full frontal nude poster. He held up the page for the congregation to see.

The congregation gasped at what they saw displayed, a depiction of a woman’s bare breasts.

Reverend Jacobs knew this kind of filth didn’t need to be seen by impressionable young adults in a small town within the Bible belt. They should be as disgusted by these displays of pornography as he was. Some probably thought `how could their dear Reverend even have the nerve to distribute this filthy magazine at today’s service.’

One woman looked like she was about to puke in her purse. The congregation quieted as the sound of her vomit erupted. Jacobs watched a member help her exit the pew and lead her toward the water fountain.

The vomit disgusted Jacobs, but he continued with his sermon. Nothing would stop him from exposing this spawn of Satan in their midst. “Aside from the nude layouts, there are feature articles on abortion, gay marriage, and lesbian homosexuality.”

An unwed pregnant woman cheeks flushed a bright red just before she tipped her head down. Two women who sat together every Sunday on the same pew sunk lower in their seats to avoid being spotted, but Jacobs caught them none-the-less. More sinners to extract confessions from, the filthy dykes. They deserved God’s wrath and by the Lord’s strong hand he’d give it to them until they turned from their wicked ways.

“And most horrendous of all, there’s a caricature of Michael Jackson dressed as a minister molesting a young boy,” uttered Jacobs righteously.

Some people in the front pews burst out laughing. They stopped when Jacobs gave them an angry look.

At the Reverend’s signal a clergyman passed out copies of Culture Magazine. Based on the gasps he heard, the congregation was disgusted at what they saw. Their reactions were oddly mixed. A rich old lady in the second pew looked appalled at a photo of a
young girl in her twenties who flashed her breasts in a pinup. Her wealthy husband had his copy of the magazine on the same page. He wore a big smile on his face as if he’d gotten an erection from looking at the nude photos.

Further back, a poor widowed mine worker passed copies of the magazines out to his young sons, who gawked and laughed at the photos.

A middle class housewife took the magazines away from her children while her husband ogled the photos. The housewife slapped her husband in the back of the head. Another household that needed a firm hand in following the Lord’s will. The husband had to clean his mind of smut and the wife needed a lesson in showing the head of
the household proper respect.

“This magazine is an abomination to our society and is ruining the wholesome image of our little community here in Alabama. We need to stand up to this kind of filth and we need to stand up to it now!”

The congregation cheered Jacobs. He was ready to lead his Christian soldiers in the community’s fight to preserve the area’s moral decency. Jacobs wouldn’t take this laying down.

Everyone Loves a Scandal

Author: Justin Murphy
Artist: Nikita Gordyn

ISBN: 978-1-60168-006-8
Genre: Contemporary
Publisher: Aspen Mountain Press
Publication Date: August 2006
Sexual Content: None

Price: $2.29
Product Options: Format Adobe Acrobat (.pdf) HTML (.exe) HTML (.zip)


In the small, town of Dothan, Alabama there’s a clear definition between right and wrong. But reality has a funny way of twisting perceptions.

The battle between good and evil has never been cut and dry or as black and white as the populous of Dothan likes to believe. When the seller of adult materials comes to town to set up shop the line between right and wrong is drawn. Everyone is dragged into the fray; photographers, reporters, church members, attorneys, pastors. What’s
the truth and what’s a lie? Whose values are right?

Reverend Peter Jacobs knows.

So does Charlie Sanders.

The truth is about to be unveiled.

Only a jury of twelve of Dothan’s citizens will decide and they know.

Everyone Loves a Scandal.

Now available at http://www.aspenmountainpress.com/

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