228. Alternative COMPUTER KNOWHOW: PHP and Babel Fish

Crikey, today is already Tuesday! Where did yesterday go? Well, if you must know I spent almost all day huddled up against my computer trying to suss out PHP [1] a bizzare (to me) scripting language in which can be emedded into HTML to create websites, forums, databases (MySQL) and rotating banners. It’s fantastic, if you know what you are doing. Which reminds me, I must get some PHP books, or perhaps review some as I learn.

It wasn’t a complete waste of time, though. Through my frustration, tears and (hysterical) laughter I managed to learn quite a lot. I’m not saying I completely understand PHP / FTP / MySQL, in fact it’s still a bit of a foreign language to me, but as crazy as it sounds, I enjoyed the challenge, and love having something to show for it at the end. Apart from all the missing chunks of hair, that is.

I have now produced a very basic ‘Link2me’ page. Basic, being the operative word. Where you can link to ‘alternative-read.com’ site by adding your own details in. Please take a look, on the title link above, and try it out. My email address is on the same page, so if you have any trouble entering your details, please do give me a shout.

By the way, I’m not taking the credit for the PHP Linkman script, that came from a clever man, Klemen Stirn. Below I have added a link to his site, PHPjunkyard.com for further interrogation. All I had to do was follow his instructions, and hey presto! Thank heavens they were comprehensive, for I would never have got this far without his help!

For those who are equally baffled about PHP I’ve added a few useful links to get you started.

Yahoo PHP search.

I also found a great FREE hosting site, which you can find here:
<a href="

(This is a referal link, so if you do choose to sign up, I’ll have the adverts removed — better for all of us).

FUNPIC offer 2500 mb webspace, SQL and PHP all for free! The only drawback is that the whole site is in German. Not one to be defeated that wasn’t a problem, even though I don’t speak a word of it. How? I hear you ask, is there no end to her talent? I climbed over the language barrier by going to the Babel Fish Translation site, where you can translate a block of text or the whole webpage in seconds! Here’s the link for that too:

The Babel Fish
translation site.

Babel Fish — such an apt name. Comes from ‘The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy’. A small, yellow fish that simultaneously translates from one spoken language to another.

When inserted into the ear, its nutrition processes convert sound waves into brain waves, neatly crossing the language divide between any species you should happen to meet whilst travelling in space.

Some say that the evolution of the Babel fish could not have been accidental, and hence that it proves the non-existence of God.

Arthur Dent, a surviving Earthling, commented only ‘Eurgh!’ when first inserting the fish into his ear canal. It did, however, enable him to understand Vogon Poetry – not, necessarily, a good thing.

On that note, I must leave you. I have a goldfish in my ear, which needs surgically removing and some scalp treatment to apply. I also need to get some more reading in before tea time. Both my husband and son are at home ill today, so I can’t concentrate too much on my writing as I run round the house at their beck and call in my Florence Nightingale hat!


[1] PHP = Hypertext Preprocessor

&copy TJN/SB 2005-2006.

My Daily Random Question:

Are you a book-smeller?

I absolutely adore the smell of a new book, and fresh paper. I know it sounds crazy, and it’s not the usual thing people tend to admit to, but…I’m a true book-sniffer, if ever there was one! Are you?

The Happiness Manifesto:

Today I’m grateful for:

1. Having a very productive day, yesterday, despite the lack of writing.

2. Updating (some of) my ‘alternative-read.com’ website links.

3. Taking the dog out for a walk early, and missing the rain.

4. The Linkman PHP script.

5. The feeling of seeing the ‘end result’ and feeling quite pleased with myself — in the end! LOL

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Author: Sassy Brit, Author Assistant

Founder and Owner of Alternative-Read.com author personal and virtual assistant. Editor and reviewer for #altread since 2005.

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