Spoof Press Release

PRESS RELEASE: Sassy Woman Strikes Back Against Copycat, Copycat Killer!


FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE:

Sassy Woman Strikes Back Against Copycat, Copycat Killer!

CAMBRIDGE, UK – Housewife, and Domestic Goddess, owner, reviewer and general bossy boots of Alternative-Read.com finds herself a victim of the copycat, copycat Crucifix Killer, originally thought to be “just a story” made up from the author, Chris Carter’s ingenious, yet disturbed mind.

‘One minute I was minding my own business shopping in central Cambridge when a man came up to me and asked for directions to Trinity College. He looked like a tourist.’ She says with a disbelieving look. ‘The next, he grabbed me from behind, and I went out like a light. When I awoke I was in a massive building I didn’t even recognise!’

When asked what happened, Sassy Brit from Cambridge replied, ‘He took advantage of my good nature, that’s what! And that made me very Incredible-Hulk-like angry indeed!’

Our sources say that Sassy, possibly in her twenties but could be stretching the truth, woke up with a sore arm. ‘It was dark and I don’t think the killer could see very well. A proper copycat killer would have known where to carve the Crucifix Killer symbol, the back of the neck, but he’d carved it on my right arm in a very amateurish manner. I was furious! When he got close enough, I punched him right on the nose. You should have seen the blood!’ she exclaims a little over keenly. ‘After distracting him I managed to get away,’ she continues, ‘Between you, me and the lamppost it was just his bad luck he ran into me. He didn’t know how good I was with an AK47 rifle and some C4 plastic explosives. A true killer wouldn’t have been so sloppy and left those lying around in the first place!’

The brave and beautiful woman then went into lengthy detail about how she shot him in the chest from a concealed vantage point and then lured him into his own booby-trap like a trained assassin. Detonating the explosives one by one – but not before she took a death-defying leap across two university buildings to clear the explosion.

After her dice with death, Sassy Brit, now says that she’s thinking of chucking in the housewife bit and becoming a paratrooper, or a member of the CIA having now got the taste for danger.

When asked what went through her mind at the time, Sassy proudly replied, ‘I never think before I act!’

We can only hope that wherever danger strikes next, Sassy Brit, will be available.

Impressed reporter
The Guardobserver Times

All film offers should be sent to Sassy dot Brit at gmail dot com

Check out Chris Carter our AUTHOR IN THE SPOTLIGHT here!

Alternative-Read.com: The “Inside Story” by Sassy Brit and her Gang!
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